wishing...hoping...and praying

worst. mom. ever!

2009-04-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

went to dinner with the family....my 3 year old was being his usual self which led to him falling straight back on his chair at the restaurant. he cried, i held him...all was fine. fast forward 4-5 hours where he starts vomiting in his sleep. i think possible food poisoning or stomach bug. it was ~different~ though, but i couldn't put my finger on it. next morning after some much needed sleep led to a little clarity...i REMEMBER the fall and realize he quite possibly has a concussion! awesome mom that i am didn't even put the two together. after a frantic call to the dr i am quite certain that he did in fact have a concussion, but thank GOD...he seems fine. we had to wake him every 2 hrs last night and will continue to watch him the next few weeks. all i could think about was that natasha richardson who died a couple of days after her fall. i really feel like the worst mom for almost missing this!

Wow....I suck at blogging!

2009-03-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

Anyways.........it has been an interesting month, again! I think I last left off after having my gall bladder out. Which followed having triple hernia surgery. Which followed my c section. Yeah, 3 surgeries in 5 months. Good times. My poor baby is now 7 months old. Where does time go???? He is doing great, thank God! I, however, was back in the hospital last week with a blood clot from my last surgery. I feel like Nancy at thenewlifeofnancy.blogspot.com where everything seems to go wrong. I agree with her though. Give the problems to me-not my children. Wonderful Elaine w/ her beautiful baby boy wrote me a comment checking on me. She is so sweet and SHE is the one w/ the newborn and checking on me. I am so happy for her! Check out her blog at myprayershispromises.blogspot.com

Hugs to all cycling right now. I need to check up on my blogs and see where everyone is! Expect some comments from me soon!

Done...hopefully for good!

2009-03-01T06:26:00.001-08:00

Had my surgery and spent 3 days in the hospital. Longer than I even did with my c-sections! Feeling ok, very tired though. Hoping this is the end of a long battle of being in pain. 3 surgeries in 6 months has taken a toll on my body! Ready to start feeling better and enter the real world again!

Tomorrow is the day

2009-02-24T16:41:00.000-08:00

So, having my gall bladder out tomorrow. Dreading it and nervous as Hell, but hopeful that I will be feeling better afterwards!!! Ugh!

Guess What!

2009-02-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry to disappoint you if you thought it would be good news. I have still been having serious pain even after my hernia surgery. They had me go in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder, and sure enough, I have a bunch of stones. So...I need my gall bladder out. I know that surgery is not that big of a deal. BUT...it is my allergy of anesthesia that throws a curve. They are going to discuss my options with me this week. When will I feel better and be able to enjoy my kids? I feel so bad for Carson. I have been sick almost his whole 5 months of existence. I am not asking for a pity party. I am just so frustrated and verging on depression.

Still Recovering

2009-01-19T09:49:00.000-08:00

It has been 2 weeks since my hernia surgery and I am still recovering. Let me just say that it is quite difficult not being able to lift your children when they are as young as mine. So...there have been people "helping me" almost everyday and I am getting tired of always having visitors. I do appreciate the help but look forward to being "normal" again. Go Steelers!

TRIPLE HERNIA SURGERY!

2009-01-10T17:58:00.000-08:00

Did that catch your attention? It has been the week from hell! Although I would never trade my baby, I must say that it was my pregnancy that gave me these 3 holes in my abdomen. Surgery was pretty bad and I have a nasty vertical scar to prove it. Had a hard time coming out of anesthesia which bought me a longer stay at the hospital. Then had a brief trip back to the ER due to an allergic reaction to one of my various meds! Now I have a rash and can't feel my lips, and I am unable to take my pain killers or antibiotic since they aren't sure WHAT I am having the reaction to. Just gets better and better. Surgery was Monday. Can't believe it is only Saturday. LONGEST WEEK EVER! This is way worse than a c section (of which I had 2), and at least with that you get a baby. I hope I can feel my lips tomorrow...

Happy Baby-filled 2009

2008-12-30T07:32:00.000-08:00

2008 was just great for me! I was pregnant most of the year and had baby Carson in August. It was a joy to ~celebrate~ Christmas this year instead of the worrying I did last year being that I was newly pregnant.

As 2009 approaches, I have new goals. I know that I am done having children so I want to focus on getting myself back in shape and taking better care of myself. Unfortunately, that begins with a double hernia surgery on January 5. A joyful bonus from my pregnancy!

It is thrilling that so many of my blogging buddies are currently pregnant, so I look forward to you all giving birth and experiencing motherhood. Some for the 1st time and others for the 2nd or 3rd. Those of you still TTC...I wish you lots of luck and sticky vibes this year. 2009 will be the year of the baby!!!

What a difference a year makes!

2008-12-25T19:17:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! After reading someone's blog, they commented on how different what they wrote this year compares to last year. This prompted me to look back to my Christmas post of 2007! I had recently received my BFP, but was having some cramps and spotting. I now vividly remember that I was just "blah" on Christmas thinking that I would be having a miscarriage any day. I didn't "enjoy" the most wonderful time of the year...even though I had what I wanted most-a BFP!
This year I did enjoy Christmas! With my toddler and now 4 month old baby! I really don't know where the time goes!!! Makes me want to slow life down a bit. In fact...we did nothing today but enjoy our family. No driving around to see a hundred people feeling stressed. In fact, I took 2 naps!!!!! I rarely get even 1! Then I read that a fellow blogger passed away (Lemondrops) and I was terribly saddened by this. Affirms my wanting to slow life down philosophy! She also had 2 beautiful little boys. My heart aches for her family. I lost my Dad around this time several years ago!
As I said at the close of my post last year...I hope the next year is full of babies all around. I am excited that ~many~ of the blogs I read include several pregnant women. A few of whom are nearing the end of that LONG 9 month journey. Ironic part is, although you want to speed up those 9 months, once the baby is born-you want time to stand still! Happy Holidays all!

A year ago!

2008-12-14T19:02:00.000-08:00

WOW! Where has time gone? It was a year ago today that I found out I was pregnant with my precious little Carson. I can hardly believe I am sitting here typing as an almost 4 month old baby boy is sleeping. It honestly feels like a month ago...not a year! I feel so blessed again this christmas holiday. Last year I was so blessed to find myself pregnant and was wishing and hoping all would be ok. For those of you that are pregnant, may you have a wonderful christmas preparing for your babies. Those with new babies I am sure will enjoy their first christmas through the eyes' of their children. And, those of you still TTC....I truly hope for you that this christmas or even 2009 brings you the one "gift" that you really want. Happy holidays to all!

btw...

2008-12-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

By the way, I have removed a chunk of blogs from my "favorite blogs" sidebar. That is b/c I am now a follower of those blogs and get a reminder when they post something new. Just in case you were wondering!

Amazing Giveaway from a great blogger!

2008-12-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

http://averittbabyjourney.blogspot.com

Go to this blog and not only will you find an amazing new blog to add to your list, but she has outdone herself with a fantastic Christmas giveaway for her 100th post!

Ahhhh....

2008-12-02T18:05:00.001-08:00

Ahhh...it is 9 o'clock and both boys are actually sleeping. We have just recently moved Carson to his crib which is in the same room as Cooper. Carson is now 3 months old and he will ~usually~ do a stretch from 8pm-2 am. Then he eats and sleeps till about 6. My biggest fear is that he will wake up his brother who won't be able to go back to sleep. This is the third night and it is going ok...not great, but ok!

Since Carson was in the NICU at birth, he never latched on for breastfeeding. For 3 months my life consisted of pumping every time he ate so that he could have breastmilk in a bottle. It made for a lot of stress. So, I let my milk dry up. Then this whole melamine thing came out. I was not a happy camper to say the least, and thought of attempting relactation, but decided against. I swear it is always something!

I am having hernia surgery in January from a double hernia that was an added bonus from my pregnancy. Woo hoo! Not excited about that it all. I already had 2 c-sections, and now I am having a 3rd abdominal surgery. Ugh!

Just realized it sounded like I was complaining a lot. Really...life is pretty good. I count my blessings everyday. Even though I still believe being a stay at home is super hard, I am happy to spend the time with my beautiful boys. I am really looking forward to Christmas. Now...if I can just get at least one gift bought, I will be happier!

Thanks!

2008-11-22T12:59:00.001-08:00

I know it sounds weird, but I was so excited to have 6 comments! After being gone so long....I felt as though everyone would forget about me. You guys are awesome. So, as promised...it motivates me to blog more.

I really just don't know where time goes. Knowing FOR SURE that Carson will be my last baby, I want time to slow down and enjoy every minute. I still can't believe Cooper will almost be 3. It is so fabulous that most of the blogs I followed/follow were all ttc the same time as me. I had that major guilt feeling when I got pregnant and most of you were still ttc. Now, most of you I can happily say are nearing the end of your own pregnancy and it is just thrilling to follow. For those of you still trying, I have faith that you will get your very own BFP!

I will definitely blog more about my upcoming hernia surgery which I am dreading. I also have questions for those of you with little ones of your own. Happy Weekend everyone, and thanks again for reading after all this time! XOXO

I'm Ba-ack

2008-11-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all who have "checked in on me" over the last couple of months. Life has been INSANE to say the least and I just could not fit blogging in. I have, however, been reading lots of blogs so I am still following all of you. Elaine...I love the name. My first son's middle name is Mason. :) We always have so much in common!

So, Carson is 3 months old today to be exact. It feels like he was born yesterday and a year ago all at the same time. It was also almost exactly a year ago that I conceived him. Where does time go?

I plan to get back into blogging mode b/c I have so much to say. It has been a rollercoaster of a ride, that is for sure. To top it off...I am having hernia surgery in January. A lovely parting gift from my pregnancy.

I hope I still have some readers left. If you do still happen to read me, drop me a one liner and I want to start adding all the blogs I follow to my BlogReader.

XOXo

Home

2008-09-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

Carson is finally home from his stay at Children's Hospital with pnuemonia. It was a very trying time for me. I am experiencing "baby blues" and I am not sure if it is due to the pregnancy or the enormous amount of stress I am under. The night before we picked up our baby from the NICU, my husband was playing with our 2 year old. He tossed him on the bed. He landed wrong and broke his leg. He is in a full cast. So I am dealing with that, the stress of having a newborn, and trying to heal from my c-section. My husband is gone for 13 hours at a time, so I am basically alone. I do feel overwhelmed. Now, my toddler is sick with a bad cold. I am praying so much that the baby doesn't get it because I don't think I can handle anything else right now. Thanks for keeping all of us in your prayers! You all continue to be in mine although I haven't had time to write or comment much lately. xoxo

NICU

2008-08-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

well, sorry i haven't written. thank you so much for your wishes and prayers. carson was born on monday morning at 9:12 am. i will post pics when my husband can help me. after a few hours they realized he was struggling to breathe. the day got worse and worse. after entering the nicu, they kept giving me updates (while i was an emotional wreck for only seeing him a few minutes). after 5 hours, they decided to transfer him via ambulance to our children's hospital about 45 minutes away. it was such a horrible an emotional experience. meanwhile, i had to stay at my hospital to recover from my c section. they let me out early (on wednesday) and we went right to the hospital. we have been traveling back and forth several times a day to see him. we live an hour away so it is a lot of travel time. we also have a 2 year old that we are desperately trying to not leave out. he is not allowed to see his new brother since he is in the nicu, so doesn't quite understand what is going on. the baby is doing better. i have heard so many different diagnosis, but a common one is that he has pneumonia. he has been getting antibiotics twice a day. they even had an iv in his head! it is horrible to see your newborn with so many tubes and monitors. i will continue to update as i have time, but please continue to keep us in your prayers. we need them more than ever! i am so thankful for the nicu nurses. i always read the blog of "searching" and now i see how important and special your job is! people are really thankful for you!

Off to the hospital...

2008-08-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

Well it is 5 am on Monday morning. The big BIRTHDAY. No, not mine. I have waited 39 weeks and 3 days in addition to all the cycles of TTC. Wish me luck and please keep us in your prayers. I will update as soon as I have access to a computer, but unfortunately that may not be till I am home!

3 More Days!!!

2008-08-15T10:12:00.001-07:00

Not much to report b/c I am getting so anxious and I am trying not to dwell on it. My c-section is scheduled for this Monday the 18th. I have been tired and obsessed with cleaning. I hope to report good news soon upon my return from the hospital next week. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! Thanks everyone!

Frustrated

2008-08-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't been posting much b/c I feel like I am just waiting. A quick update...I was BACK in the ER for a 3rd time on Monday. It was for breathing problems and chest pains. They thought it was asthma but couldn't rule out a blood clot so they had to do a CT scan w/ iodine. I was hysterical. You are talking about someone here who won't even take tylenol for fears of hurting the baby and now I have to undergo radiation. It was a horrible and emotional day, but thank God I didn't have a blood clot! Today was my weekly check up. I am still not dilated and the baby hasn't even dropped. Dr. considered moving up my c section date to friday the 15th which would have thrilled me, but after the not so promising internal he decided to keep monday the 18th. needless to say, i was disappointed. i guess i will spend the next 10 days waiting and nesting. enjoying reading about all of you though!

ER-Take 2 (and request for recipes!)

2008-07-29T18:12:00.001-07:00

I am really struggling to breathe these days and found myself back in the ER last night. I called my ob/gyn because I felt ridiculous having just been there on Thursday. He said to go back though, because if I am not getting enough O2 then obviously neither is the baby. So, they did a NST and baby boy looked good. :) Then I had a breathing treatment. Maybe doc will move my scheduled c-section date up if this continues?????

Hey a girl can wish!

On a side note, I am still totally nesting. My new plan is to make several dishes that freeze well to have once the baby comes. I will be making chili and meatloaf for sure. Does anyone have any recipes that they are willing to spare that they know freeze well? Thanks so much!!!

Trip to the ER

2008-07-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

Before I go any futher...I am okay.

Had my 36 week check up today. I have been having some trouble breathing recently and just chalked it up to another wonderful late pregnancy symptom. When my dr saw me, he immediately said I needed to go to the ER b/c if I was getting enough oxygen, neither was the baby.

Needless to say, it was a huge ordeal with me being 36 (!!!!) weeks and all. They had L & D come down and monitor me while I had various bloodwork and a breathing treatment. I was discharged as having had an asthma attack.

Baby seemed fine. They did a very long NST b/c he wasn't moving too much but heart rate was good. I had several contractions during the 2 hour monitoring, but I have been having a ton of Braxton Hicks.

I am just exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I think this was my body's way of saying...slow down! I really have been doing too much. So, I wait another week. I was supposed to get my first internal check today, but I guess it will be next week.

Hopefully I will have less drama this week! I really better pack my bag sooner than later though!

still around

2008-07-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

hi all...i am still around but haven't been able to blog much. although i am not necessarily writing or commenting, i still steal a few minutes each day to keep updated with all of you. sounds like everyone is doing great which is super exciting with all the first trimester BFPs in my blog folder. i am now about 35 weeks and starting to feel the panic of not being ready. we have decided that we need to move, so in the process of being so tired from pregnancy and having a toddler...i am also preparing our house to put it up for sale. exhausting is an understatement!

not too much new to report. i have a dr appt this thursday and i think i go every week from now on. i haven't seen my dr in a month b/c he was not there for my last appt. i will probably post after my visit.

lots of loving thoughts are with all of you!

The Wedding is over!

2008-06-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

I have been dreading the wedding that I was in yesterday ever since I found out I was pregnant in December. I didn't want to deal with being so pregnant (33 weeks!), hot, big...you get the picture. After speaking w/ the bride, I realized I wasn't getting out of it. But, I made it. And it is a huge burdon lifted. Financially it was tough (shower, bachelorette party, gifts, dress, alterations, shoes, hair, etc.) since I am not currently working. It was also a lot of time and worrying about things, but now I can relax. Other than doctor appointments, my July calendar is basically open. I wasn't sure if I would be on bed rest or how I'd feel, so I am glad to have this month to just get ready and continue cleaning and organizing. Hope you are all having a fabulous weekend!

Sigh of Relief...Part 2

2008-06-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

Don't know why the previous post posted w/o anything, but anyway....

U/S went great today. Saw the baby boy of which we finally decided to call Carson. The technician even did a cool 3D scan for us which was so cool. I guess everything was measuring fine and the baby looked great.

Still in the crazy nesting phase and trying to get things "ready", but are you ever really ready?

Such good news going on with the blogs I read. Specifically a new BFP for my BBF (best blogging friend) who I couldn't be happier for. Go over and wish Elaine some good sticky vibes! Nancy, In Search of Morning Sickness, and Waiting in Line are all trucking along beautifully!

Yay! Life is good right now. :)

Sigh of Relief

2008-06-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

Nesting

2008-06-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

I have turned into a lunatic. The nonsensical crying continues. My friends used to joke that I was like Chandler from "Friends" who said he was "dead inside" b/c he never cried. That seriously used to be me...I mean, it really took a lot to get me to shed a tear. Now...forget it!

Also, I am nesting like a crazy woman. Almost like I have become obsessed with cleaning. I am so tired, but always want to clean. I can't get to sleep till everything is in its place. Having a toddler and a messy husband does not help the matter.

Had my appointment yesterday, and I am happy to report that it was a 5 minute, uneventful appointment. I do have an u/s next week which I am really looking forward to. It will make me feel a lot better to just know that everything continues to be okay.

The wedding that I am in is this coming week, so I am glad that will be over and done with soon. I have really been dreading it. It will be a long few days.

So....with that I am off to....you guessed it! CLEAN!

I will post after my u/s on Thursday with a report. Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)

2 months and counting!

2008-06-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was June 15, and since my c section is scheduled for August 15, I am under the 2 month mark. Amazing! I am down to 2 week appointments. Tomorrow (Tues) would have been 2 weeks but we had scheduling issues, so I have one on Thurs. Although I feel movement, I still love my appointments. Don't ask me why...they seem pretty pointless and last all of 5 minutes, but it is still comforting. I am happy for the uneventful appointments b/c it makes me feel all is well.

The doctors said my eye issue was stress related. Go figure! Actually, I am a bridesmaid in a wedding next Saturday and that is causing me a lot of stress. The reasons sound stupid but between being huge, having to spend a ton of money that I could be using on more important things, and the fear of being so busy and tired that day have made it a giant stressor. I will be glad when it is over. And then it will almost be July....GASP! I feel like there is so much to do and so little time!

I hope everyone has a great Monday and week! I will post more after the appt on Thurs. TTFN!

What is wrong with me?

2008-06-10T19:29:00.001-07:00

Ok...so I can't stop crying. Seriously. My husband and I went to the mall tonight, which is something I rarely do. I think I cried 3 times. The main cry (and an example of how stupid I am being) was when I ordered a hot fudge sundae at dairy queen. after my order was finished, the girl told me they were out of hot fudge and was chocolate okay. I asked if it was hot and she said no...so tears came and I didn't want the sundae anymore. No worries...my husband ate it.

Part of my problem is that I have something going on with my eye. I don't know if it is an infection or what but it is bothering my 24/7. I went to my PCP today and they weren't sure what was wrong. I am going to attempt to go to an eye doctor tomorrow. The PCP suggested maybe stress and fatigue were bothering my eye, but I KNOW it is something more.

30 weeks tomorrow. Woo Hoo! Feels good to enter the 30's. Wish I felt that way on my birthday last year, lol!

On an end note...congrats to Farah and her beautiful new baby boy!

TGI...June

2008-06-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been waiting for June forever. I am now 29 weeks and I just remember always thinking that June would be like entering the "safe zone." See, I have a few risks for preterm labor, but I am feeling more confident being near 30 weeks. Don't get me wrong...I will feel much better come 36 weeks!
I had an appt today and it went pretty well. I have a planned c section schedule for aug 15 so things feel more real w/ a date being picked. I am down to every 2 weeks for my appointments so that is exciting. And I talked the dr into letting me have another ultrasound later this month. woo hoo!
I am feeling the baby a lot more which is comforting. Also, I have been feeling exhausted. With that being said...I am off to attempt to sleep. Attempt being the key word!
Thanks for the continued well wishes. :)

For Lack of a Better Title...Happy Memorial Day

2008-05-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

I feel like there is so much going on in the blogs that I frequent. I want you to know that ALL of you have been in my thoughts and prayers everyday. Although I don't post much, I find myself rushing to my computer to find out the latest on each of you.

Nancy got a BFP from her FET and is truly hoping it doesn't turn out to be ectopic as the beta numbers possibly suggest. Send her some support if you can. Finally it seems that it is Waiting in Line's turn! She got a BFP with twins, but unfortunately has been suffering from hyperemesis gravideram. I sadly know too well the damper this puts on pregnancy as I had it with my first pregnancy. You want to be soooo happy, but while you are vomiting every second...it is quite difficult! It WILL get better! In Search of Morning Sickness also recently got a BFP. She also just had a very Happy Birthday!

In my neck of the woods, things seem to be going well and I am happy to finally have some calm times that I can enjoy this pregnancy. I am now 27 weeks and trucking along. I am sure I will have more to write as I get closer to my due date, but for now I am just trying to be "normal". Lol. Easier said than done!

Good luck to all of you w/ your recent BFPs and for those of you still trying. I keep wishing, hoping, and praying for you too!

XOXO

Guess who made my day...

2008-05-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am taking the title of "worst blogger ever" away from in search of morning sickness

I am not even sure why I haven't blogged because I am on this darn computer reading all of your blogs everyday for hours. I am just in a weird place, but it is a good place. I hate to admit that I still have fear, but it is just my personality. I am also getting excited though. I still love doctors appointments and feel like each one is like a little goal to work towards. Next week is my dreaded GD test and rhogam shot.

I am almost 26 weeks pregnant and happy to be entering the 3rd trimester. I have been suffereing from an umbillical hernia that has been getting larger as my belly does. That is probably my biggest complaint, so I am not really complaining. I know it could be worse.

I got the nicest honor from Elaine and it kicked my butt into gear because I was so appreciative of her thinking of me. :)

Elaine gave me the "you made my day award" and if I knew how to link to the pic of it I would. I don't know how, but I still want to pass the award along to a few other fellow bloggers who make my day on a daily basis!

First of all....Elaine! She is the one who got me to blog on this site. It is scary to me how much we have in common! She is the sweetest person and has been in my prayers for so long. She has not been successful in pregnancy YET, but has recently made the decision to foster a child. She even has the possibility of adopting. I continue to cherish her friendship and look forward to following her journey!

Next is Farah. She is several weeks ahead of me in her own pregnancy and I look forward to reading her blog to see what is in store for me. She is also a great commenter! She has had many ups and downs but as she nears the end of her pregnancy it seems everything is going great. I am so excited for her.

I am so thrilled that Amanda is now pregnant and with twins to add to the excitement. She is unfortunately very sick right now, but it is something I can relate to. I am hoping she is better soon!

Finally, I give the award to searching for hope. She is a super commenter as well. I feel for her as life has been rough on her recently, especially with her health. Although she is not currently TTC, her life has revolved around babies and wanting one. I pray that her prayers will one day be answered!

There are certainly other blogs I read, but I feel most connected to these blogs. You all make my day as you let me into a little bit of your life through your writing.

Thanks for sharing! Hugs to you all!!!

Happy Birthday to Me...

2008-04-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Where have I been? I can't believe it's been almost 20 days since my last post! I have been reading all of my favorite blogs everyday, but haven't had much to write. You have all been in my thoughts and prayers though. Some of you have gotten some really great news recently and I wish you congrats! (amanda from waitinginline.blogspot.com-super congrats!)

Updates....my bloodwork came back and apparently I had been exposed to fifths disease so I did have antibodies to help protect my little peanut. Had my monthly checkup yesterday (23 weeks as of today!) and all seemed to go pretty well. Hernia is getting worse, but will get belly band to help support my stomach. Today (my 31st b-day) I am having major back pain. Praying it goes away SOON!

Since I have last posted, my toddler was sick. Then my husband. Then me. Love the traveling illnesses!

Thinking of you all. Lots of love and luck to you!!!!

And the story continues...

2008-04-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I can't wait till I have a nice normal week w/ no issues. It has to be coming soon. I am due.
Long story short....my toddler son has come down w/ fifths disease. It is a very common childhood illness that consists of a fever and a rash. Only problem....it is really bad for pregnant women to be exposed to it. It can apparently cause miscarriage or birth defects. Lovely. More to worry about. So off I went today for bloodwork to see if I have the antibodies in my system. I will keep you updated....

It's a...........

2008-03-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

BOY!
First and foremost, I am just happy that the u/s seemed to go well. The sonographer didn't tell me anything negative so I am banking on that. I have my dr appt on Tues to go over everything w/ him.

I am super excited to be having another boy. My annoyance lies in the fact that my mom and husband's mom both voiced disappointment upon being told. We were upset about that. See hubby's bro has 3 boys and is done. My brother has 2 boys and is done. I have a boy and 1 on the way and I am done. I guess they saw the "dream" of a little girl as gone. Oh well! Keep it to yourself and let us be excited!

I finally updated the "about me" section. It is starting to feel real and I am glad. I llook forward to enjoying this Easter weekend. I feel so blessed and thankful. And thanks to all of you for your continued support and prayers!

Blog Update

2008-03-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

I have been realizing that I really need to update my blog. Especially the "about me" section where it talks about me still ttc. Even though I will be 18 weeks on Friday, I have not let myself get too excited. It is like I don't want to jinx anything. WEll, I've mostly been waiting for the BIG ultrasound which for me will be on Friday. Most people are so excited to find out the sex. By most people, I mean those who get pregnant so easily and take it for granted. For me (and most of you I know) I just want to find out everything is okay! After that, I will update my blog.

Also, I need to update my blogroll of blogs I read. I am taking a cue from my blog friend Elaine. If anyone out there reads my blog....and you don't see your blog on my blogroll, please drop me a line. I would love to add it. For one, I have checked people's blogs after they commented but never got around to saving it in my favorites. Now, I forget the blogs addresses! Secondly, I like to keep up with stories of people especially those of you who are following along on my journey!

Hope you are all doing well. A bunch of you are starting and IVF cycle this month and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I will update on Friday. Please say a prayer for me that Friday goes well!

Things are moving along, slowly but surely

2008-03-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Had my appt on Tuesday and I am not exaggerating when I say it lasted all of about 5 minutes. They weighed me, took my bp, asked about any problems (I mentioned the continuous spotting/pressure), dr came in and found heartbeat quickly (puffy heart) and gave me script for u/s. If my other son wouldn't have been acting up so much I would've asked more questions but I just took the appt for what it was. The only "weird" part is that he said he wanted to see me in 2 weeks. Normally I go back every 4. I am not sure why, but I 'll take it! I am hoping it isn't b/c there is a problem he isn't telling me about. I do have my u/s sheduled for next Friday so for now, that is my next milestone I look forward to reaching. I could care less about the sex, but hope and pray that he/she is just healthy. Blessings to you all for a happy weekend!

Just Catching Up

2008-03-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have so much to say, but just can't put it into words. I am really looking forward to my doctor appt on Tuesday. A month seems so long in between appointments and this time for me it was only 3 weeks. I read blogs every night, but sometimes I just don't feel like writing. I feel like I am in such a weird place. It is hard to write about pregnancy on an infertility site. It's like you don't want to say anything negative because you know there are so many people who would change places with you in a heartbeat. Nonetheless, I am still having a hard time getting over my anxiety. I have been on moderate bed rest and am hoping that my placenta has moved. Luckily for me, I have been entertained by all the reality tv shows that have been on. I am obsessed with American Idol. I also watch Big Brother, both of which are on 3 nights a week. Helps keep me busy. I am sooooo tired of the snow we have been getting in Pennsylvania. Will spring ever arrive???? Well, I will write on Tuesday I am sure. Hopefully with some good news. :)

Can things ever be easy? Seriously!

2008-02-20T08:18:00.000-08:00

I would absolutely love to be writing about how wonderfully boring my pregnancy is. I wish I could say how happy I am to be entering the 2nd trimester-the time when you are supposed to be feeling good. This is not that post, so fair warning not to read on if you have a hard time w/ people "complaining" about their pregnancy.

Let me first say I am thrilled to BE pregnant. BUT...it has been rough from the get go. After my inexplainable bleeding last week I was partially relieved after my appt. that everything was okay. Then Friday I started feeling this intense pain/prssure in the vaginal area. I refrained from calling my doc's office since it was the weekend, but really suffered all weekend. I called first thing Monday am. They agreed to see me to rule a few things out. My appointment wasn't till yesterday (Tues) and it was the longest wait.

I have placenta previa-I guess the placenta is on or above my cervix which is causing the pain and bleeding. It could move and it coudl not. I never in my life hoped that I had a bladder infection, but right now I am praying I do. The pain is just so bad and they did send a sample in and I am awaiting the results. Dr. said if I do it could be the cause of the major pain. If this is solely from the placenta, it will be a long 6 more months. I am not lying when I say it is difficult to walk or stand.

So now, I wait again. I am resting a lot and just trying to remain calm.

Breathing a Little Easier....

2008-02-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

Deep breath....reached 12 weeks on saturday. couldn't celebrate until today though b/c i had some unexplained bleeding on friday night. i couldn't even begin to post about it. i was trying the avoidance method to get my to my appointment which was today.

friday night i was supposed to go play bunco. it was to be my first "night out" in a long time due to being so sick the last several weeks. about an hour prior to leaving...went to the bathroom and had some (tmi coming!) thin clotty dark blood. needless to say, i paniced. called my dr.'s emergency number and was basically told not to worry about it since it stopped. dr said it was probably old blood from cervix and he would see me on tuesday.

what a long weekend! i tried not to worry too much, but that was easier said than done. then to make matters even better, we had a huge snowstorm last night into this morning. my appt was 9 am and there was no way i was missing it. got there after horrible driving conditions.

dr. did an ultrasound and i got to see the baby. he/she was moving and had a heartbeat which made me feel better. he didn't seem too concerned bout the bleeding. pretty uneventful appt. he did say i still have a cyst. (which i am reminded of everyday w/ my pain) but not to worry about it yet. hopefully it will dissolve.

so, i try to relax for a little while and attempt to enjoy this pregnancy. i hope to get caught up with my blog reading and commenting soon. hope you are all doing wonderfullly!

6 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

2008-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by Elaine at www.myprayershispromises.blogspot.com (I am so sorry...I don't know how to do that linking thing!) Anyhow, the rules are simple: link to the person who tagged you, list the rules in your blog, share six non-important quirks about yourself, tag at least 3 people, and leave those you tagged a comment so they can play too!

So here goes:

1. When I was 21 I went to Atlantic City for the very first time. I actually won 30,000 on a slot machine. Paid off my school loans and saved for my wedding! It was surreal!

2. I am a reality tv junkie. The strike isn't affecting me too much b/c I watch so much reality tv. I love American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Dance War, Bachelor, Real World...the list goes on and on. I am even so pathetic that I watch "Reality Chat" on tv guide network.

3. Due to parents' divorce and remarriages I have 9 siblings. One full brother, 2 half brothers, 4 half sisters, and 2 step brothers. CRAZY! Imagine the family reunions!

4. I like to think I am musically inclined. I sang and played an instrument all through school. I now sing in the church choir and play hand bells. However, I will not be a contestant on American Idol any time soon!

5. I love ethnic foods! If I go out to eat, chances are I will choose either Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, or even Greek restaurants. My favorite are the habachi grills where they cook in front of you.

6. I am a Wizard of Oz fanatic. I have an entire curio cabinet filled with collectibles. I do an entire W of O tree at Christmas time. I pretty much have the movie memorized.

I now tag Moon and Star Mommy who just got a BFP and this will take her mind off things till her next u/s. I also tag In Search of Morning Sickness b/c her husband just got deployed and maybe this will help the time go faster. Finally I tag Nancy who is in the second week of her 2ww.

2008-01-28T18:30:00.001-08:00

1/4 of the way there!

2008-01-24T19:32:00.000-08:00

Quick update b/c I have been meaning to write, but truthfully I have just been too sick. NOT THAT I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT IT! But, really the last week has been rough. Last night I spent the night in the emergency room. I was having horrible pains and feared miscarriage. When I arrived they said the cramping was due to severe dehydration. They also did an u/s though (YAY!) and I got to see the lil peanut. Always makes me feel better.

I am so sorry that I haven't been commenting much. I am still reading all your blogs, but commenting has taken a back seat for right now. I have so much I want to say and as soon as I start feeling better you will all probably get a book from me.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep last night, so this will be all for tonight. By the way...10 weeks down. I like to think of it as a quarter of the way there. As always, thank you so much for your prayers and support. You are all in my thoughts and prayers as well. Good luck as some of you are in your 2 ww and some have an iui planned or just had one done. Sticky vibes!!!!!

So Far So Good!

2008-01-15T20:13:00.000-08:00

Had my appointment yesterday. I would've written except for the fact that I fell asleep before 8 o clock on the couch and didn't get up till this morning. Probably due to losing so much sleep the previous nights due to stress about my appt. IT was such a relief to have confirmation that there is in fact a baby in my uterus. Teh doctor did an ultrasound and I wouldn't look at the screen until I asked if he saw a heartbeat. He did!

I am feeling so happy, but I can't lie. I am still stressed. Obviously the next 4 weeks will be long. My back is hurting very badly which I fear is a sign of miscarriage, but I am trying not to focus on it.

I am so thankful for all the prayers that I know that many of you have said for me. I am really appreciative.

I will write again when I am not soooo exhausted. It was quite a long day, but I wanted to give a quick update.

Hugs to all!

Still hanging in there!

2008-01-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

Well, as far as I know...I am still pregnant. I am over 7 weeks now, but I still haven't physically seen my doc. My appointment is next Monday (the 14th) and it feels soooo far away!

It is difficult to blog. I feel soooo blessed to be where I am, but so worried too. I don't want to write a post that seems like I am complaining. I do have symptoms which is a good thing. While I don't enjoy puking each night, it is a nice reminder. I am, however, going in tomorrow for iv hydration.

I am still reading all of my favorite blogs and I am still thankful for all of my supporters. I will try to write again before my appt. on Monday.

Hugs!!!

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

So much for me responding to the tag. I actually thought that I clicked on "publish post" but apparently, I didn't. So....when I get bored, maybe I will do it again. But for now, I am just too tired.

I have not been MIA. Thanks for those who ~checked in on me~. I was actually at hubby's parents for our Christmas celebration since Sat. We decided to tell them of the BFP, but told them to be cautiously excited. Also, that we were not ready to share our news. Basically we had to tell them due to my new symptom of...morning sickness. Make that all day sickness. Trust me, I am not complaining! Although vomiting several times a day is not enjoyable, I do know it is a "good sign."

So now I wait for my appointment which not until Jan. 14. It seems SOOOO far away! Thanks for the prayers and sticky vibes. I have made it to 6 weeks. 34 more to go!

Hugs and prayers to all as we enter 2008. I hope all of your dreams come true!

Hope Floats

2007-12-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well, called my doc today, but they said they probably wouldn't have the results till tomorrow. BUT...I actually feel like I started to experience some symptoms. So, hope floats.

I went to breakfast with a friend home for the holidays and all I could even attempt to eat was oatmeal. I couldn't even fathom looking at sausage or bacon.

Then when I went to my Mom's to celebrate our Christmas dinner, the smell of the garlic bread/lasagna kind of turned my stomach.

I leave tomorrow to go to my husband's family home to celebrate Christmas there so I hope to hear by the time I leave.

I am trying REALLY hard to not dwell on this. Easier said than done. So instead, I am going to respond to a tag by Elaine at myprayershispromises.blogspot.com

Thanks again for all the prayers. I think they're helping!

So much...yet so little...to say

2007-12-26T18:59:00.000-08:00

Ah...where to begin? First of all, I truly hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I really thought with my recent good news of a BFP that this would be a fabulous holiday. I did still try to enjoy it, but I was having some early pregnancy issues. Without going into a super long story, I thought I was miscarrying on Sunday. When I called the doc., they just said to take it easy and get off my feet. Which made it difficult to take in all the Christmas happenings. Basically I had some spotting/cramping in addition to absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms. Although the spotting subsided I still called today. They repeated my blood work and I guess I will know tomorrow how my HCG levels are going. I hope and pray that it is up.

We wanted to tell a few close family members on Christmas but decided against it due to the circumstances. Why is it that people who have had to deal with any sort of infertilty issue can't just enjoy a pregancy. I mean, I am only 5 weeks. I have only known for 1 week and I have worried pretty much every second. So I am asking for a few more of your prayers and well wishes. I really hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and I am praying for all of us/you to have a baby filled 2008.

I will update tomorrow! Thanks for your continued support!

Christmas Miracle

2007-12-18T19:29:00.001-08:00

First of all...thank you so much those of you who have given me so much support over the last 2 days as I have been waiting. It means more than you know as my husband and I have decided not to share our news with anyone IRL.

It has been a wondeful day filled with great news. :) I called my doc this morning after I couldn't take it anymore. The nurse said my levels were good. I regret that I didn't get the exact number, but it was good enough that I don't need to repeat the test. Also, my P4 was good so that I don't need to use the suppositories.

I am still in shock and have to keep pinching myself. Ironically, this happened right when my doc said I had to take a break from the meds. We had already scheduled a SA and a lap. It truly is a Christmas miracle. Please send as many sticky vibes as possible. Right now I am going to try to think positive and enjoy this as long as I can. I hope that is for 8 more months.

Merry Christmas to you all and the Happiest New Year filled with BFPs for all!!!!!

Waiting

2007-12-17T20:04:00.000-08:00

As those of us who have experienced infertility know, life is a lot about waiting. Waiting in the 2ww, waiting for test results, waiting for a new cycle. You get the point. WEll, right now....I am waiting. I wasn't even going to post, except for the fact that you wonderful supporters who read/comment on my blog may wonder-what is up?

My day...cliff notes version so don't worry!...began with the continuation of bad weather. However, I did get a HPT and POAS. It was positive which made me very very happy. BUT, I wasn't surprised due to being late. Also, I think that I am so jaded that I know that a positive test doesn't always mean a baby. Obviously, at this point I am super thankful and hopeful.

So, I called the docs office and they wanted me to come in for a beta and progesterone test. I was really hoping for results today, but no such luck. I truly hope I find out early tomorrow morning. They said depending on my levels will determine whether or not I need to repeat the beta.

My main worry...I have no symptoms. Zero, nada, zilch, zippo. So, for now...I will still wish, hope, and pray for a positive outcome. Either way, I will blog tomorrow night. I hope it will be with good news, but if not then I could use your support. I know soooo many of you have gone through this. Thanks for your well wishes. YOu guys are awesome!

Hugs!

Cautiously Hopeful....

2007-12-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

All I can say is that AF was supposed to arrive on Friday. It is now Sunday night and still no sign. Trying not to get too excited....

Unfortunately we are dealing with a weekend snow/ice/etc. storm and I have not left my house to get a HPT. No, I don't have any laying around b/c when I do have them....I use them obsessively.

I will be calling my doc first thing tomorrow to ask for a blood test.

More to come. It is either going to be a FABULOUS holiday, or a letdown.

The appointment

2007-12-12T19:08:00.001-08:00

As you know, I was really looking forward to the appointment w/ my doctor yesterday. Well, I am slightly satisfied with the outcome. At least I feel that there is some sort of forward progress. Doc (I'll refer to his as that from now on) said that I have to take a break from the fertility drugs as it is not good to be on them continuously. We talked about a lot. Doc strongly suspects endo. When he noticed that it took me 3 years to conceive my son, he recommended doing a laporoscopy (spelling!). Also, my husband is to have a semen analysis done on Monday. He was NOT too happy about this. I will save that story for a post all in itself. He was not exactly on board with doing an IUI yet. It was an emotional day, but amazingly I got through the appointment without crying. I am sooooo tired today due to an emotionally draining night, but I wanted to update on the appointment. I know you have all been on the edge of your seats....lol!

I can't believe less than 2 weeks till Christmas!!!

Infertility EVERYWHERE...seriously!

2007-12-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

So as I am in my 2ww, I am trying to focus on enjoying the holidays and not obsessing over when my period will come. Again, I am not too hopeful this cycle and instead I am just looking forward to my dr appointment where I can discuss the whole IUI option. As I am trying to not ~obsess~, it seems that infertility is everywhere.

Yesterday, when I came home from work, the tv channel happened to be on Dr. Phil (who I never watch) and sure enough it was about infertility. Then today I was watching my tivo'd episode of Private Practice which had a couple dealing w/ if and getting an iui done. Signs???

If it isn't infertility, it is a friend/family member/associate etc. telling me that they're pregnant. I know that you all understand how old that gets. Obviously, I am always happy for them, but it just is a little reminder that we can't all be so lucky.

Well, it is midnight and I have to work tomorrow morning, but I wish you all a peaceful weekend.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year....sort of

2007-12-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

I seriously can not believe it is already December. So much to do, so little time. I actually LOVE this time of year. Although....when my husband and I started TTC back in January, I truly believed I would have a new baby this Christmas. Silly me...even thought about skipping trying in Feb. so the baby wouldn't be born right around Christmas. Oh how I miss those innocent days.

I am still so blessed b/c I do have another precious son. (I realize that I hardly write about him. He is absolutely the love of my life and I would love to write about him everyday. I do, however, realize this is a blog about infertility and I am fully aware that people do not want to read about my child.) I really hope and pray that next Christmas there will be a new bundle of joy. For me and for all of you!

So, one week from tomorrow is my appointment with my dr. to discuss the next step. I am still looking forward to it. I have been saving up for an IUI and hope to go that route. I know in the scheme of infertility treatments an IUI is nothing, but still gathering a thousand plus dollars isn't exactly simple with our current financial situation. Obviously, totally worth whatever cost though.

I have been keeping up with the blogs that I read, and I know that this is a difficult time for so many of you still hoping for baby number 1. My prayers are with you as the holidays seem to sometimes make the sadness stronger. I have been in your shoes. Also, my father had a heart attack on December 23 and died January 8. Although this happened five years ago, the holidays can be hard. I always try to focus on the ~true~ meaning of Christmas and it helps.

I will keep you posted on my appointment. Remember: He is the reason for the season!

Random

2007-11-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Over the Hump Day!

I haven't written in awhile as there has not been too much "news" on the TTC front. I am currently on cycle day 13 and definitely believe ovulation is in my near furture. Of course, I won't be seeing my husband til Sunday. Sooooo......I guess I will just look forward to my appt. on Dec. 11 to see where I go from here.

I am actually getting quite excited for Christmas. Unfortunately, I do not have one decoration currently up although it has been on my "to do" list since Thanksgiving. My days have been busy, but it seems like nothing ever gets done.

I have still been keeping up on the blogs I read. Thanks for those of you that read mine and especially for the encouraging comments. :)

I will try to be ~better~ about writing, but something exciting has to happen first.

Hugs!!!

Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T20:20:00.000-08:00

I feel as though I rant, rave, and vent a lot on my blog about things that "annoy" me. (for lack of a better word.) In reality though, I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I know I shouldn't just count my blessings b/c of tomorrow's holiday, but of course it definitely helps.

Sometimes in the midst of all my ~fertility~ issues, things happen that make me feel so blessed. I am truly thankful for so many things in my life. I am also thankful for this blog and the people that it has connected me with. It is nice to have interaction with others that understand.

I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Goodbye Chlomid

2007-11-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I called the doctor today as I always do when AF arrives so I can refill my prescription. Today, the nurse said the dr. would want to see me this cycle which is always thrilling for me. I always hope he has some magical answers or a special pill that I can take and ...poof!....pregnant! He never does! Anyway, the nurse ~implied~ that this would be my last month on the fertility drug and we would discuss what to do next.

I have mixed feelings about this. I am glad to get off the drug, don't get me wrong BUT...what if I don't ovulate. I am glad to move on to something else...BUT what? A different drug? An IUI? I am going to try REALLY HARD to not obsess about this appointment til it comes on Dec. 11.

For now, I am going to focus on this cycle and hope for a miracle BFP for my Christmas present!

Blah!

2007-11-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

Blah! Pretty much how I feel. Not really even in the mood to blog, but hoping that my ~ranting~ on here will help me to not take everything out on my husband.

First of all, period is here. Not that I didn't expect it, but still depressing each time another month goes by unsuccessful.

Secondly, Hurt my back at work. Badly. Lifting a child. Lots of pain. Enough said.

Those are the 2 main complaints, but it really just seems like everything is just blah right now. Everything else is just little so I am just trying to let it all go and try to enjoy this wonderful holiday season that I usually love.

I need to remind myself to be thankful for all the blessings that I do have!!!!

So tired due to the pain medicine and have to get up super early tomorrow to play bells at church. Question: When do I get to sleep in? Answer: Not any time soon.

Night Night!

4 Things About Me....

2007-11-09T21:14:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by Elaine at myprayershispromises.blogspot.com to do this and it sounds like fun!

Four jobs I have had in my life: (obviously I am not too diverse in this category!)
1. Teacher
2. Day Care Provider
3. Substitute Teacher
4. Student

Four Movies I have watched more than once:
1. Wizard of Oz (I'm obsessed!)
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. Beaches (When I need a good cry)
4. Wedding Crashers (When I need a good laugh)

Four TV shows that I watch faithfully:
1. Gray's Anatomy
2. American Idol
3. Dancing With the Stars
4. Oprah (Well, I tivo her everyday and decide if it is a topic I am interested in)

Four Places I have vacationed:
1. Hawaii (cruise to all the islands)
2. Disney World (over a dozen times...LOVE IT!)
3. Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas
4. Niagra Falls

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chips and Salsa (but I love all Mexican food)
2. Broccoli Cheddar Soup from Panera
3. California Roll sushi (love Japanese and Chinese food too!)
4. Greek salad

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. In my bathroom viewing a BFP (lol!)
2. cashing in a winning lottery ticket
3. on an amazing stress free vacation
4. out with a bunch of old friends

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Getting off of my fertility drug (and moving on to something else!)
2. Christmas :)
3. Getting pregnant (hey, a girl can dream)
4. the birth of my best friend's baby (her last one was 3 months premature)

Four hobbies I have:
1. Scrapbooking
2. Singing and playing bells in church choir
3. Selling Tastefully Simple products
4. Blogging and reading blogs

Tag to anyone reading this, but it may just be Elaine. It was fun anyway!!!

All is calm...

2007-11-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't written in awhile, but sadly it is b/c I have nothing to write about.

I was still a little upset that my last appt with my doc had me continuing on with the chlomid and nothing else. I am soooo ready to either add something or do something else like an iui. he wants me to officially wait a year. so, anyhow...i am pretty sure this month is a no go.

I am still over a week away from a visit from my least favorite aunt. (you know the one...starts with an F and ends with an O) BUT....my DH and I most definitely missed our window. I know my most fertile days are days 12-15 as I usually ovulate between day 13-14. Well, my husband and I were on completely opposite schedules and were not able to BD those days. We even tried once at 2 am when he gets home and once at 7 am before I went to work, but honestly...we were just too tired.

I am a little disappointed as I feel as though we "wasted" a month. I keep reminding myself the usual.....just put it in God's hands. While I have a lot of faith...that is easier said than done. There are so many things in life that you can work towards and accomplish if you put your mind to it, but with infertility you truly do not have control no matter what.

So, for now I wait to try again in December. Not exactly the usual 2 ww. To boot...I think I have a UTI. ugh! Anyway, I continue to read and keep up with all of your blogs and wish baby dust on all of you.

Hugs!

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T19:19:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe it is Halloween already. I was really hoping to be pregnant by this time (like most of us) as we started trying back in January. To be honest, when we first started...I was hopeful that I would have a baby by Christmas. Ahhhh, to be that hopeful and naive again.

So , tomorrow starts a new month. A month dedicated to being thankful. The month that kicks off the holiday season (i.e. the best time of the year!) I am going to continue to focus on what I have to be thankful fo and ~try~ not to be so darn negative!

Good night and hope you all get lots of treats and no tricks!

Life is Precious

2007-10-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight was just a little reminder that we aren't in control of everything. Those of us experiencing infertility are pretty aware of that already. BUT, you never think that a simple trip to the mall could be so.... scary.

Cliff notes version to make a long story short. Tonight I was at the mall and it just so happened to be "trick or treat" night there so there were a ton of adorable costumed kids. Right before 6 when it was set to begin, everyone was told to quickly evacuate from the mall. No reasons were given but moms and kids all started running for the exits. It would be hard to write in words that would make anyone understand how scary it was. Later it was determined that it was a bomb threat. What kind of crazy world do we live in?

I am exhausted from the stress of the night. I was grid locked in the parking lot for an hour as ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars kept flooding the area. So many scenarios were running through my head. The little lesson I have learned is that I need to thankful for the things I do have and appreciate them instead of dwelling on things that I don't have. (BFP)

I need some sleep. Sweet dreams to you all!

The Bachelor

2007-10-22T19:58:00.000-07:00

Leave it to me to find a life lesson within a reality tv show. (fyi...i am addicted to tv)

As I was feeling sorry for myself dealing with all the fun things that come along with a period, I realized something. I was watching all these (pathetic) girls who are so wanting to find love. Many of them appear desperate even. Then I related to how most of us here in the blog world are desperate (and often pathetic) to get that bfp. At least we have won half the battle. I can't imagine not having my wonderful husband to share this journey with.

I am actually doing a lot better today. I called my dr so that they could call in my prescription. I wanted to add a "Ha Ha, told you I wasn't pregnant." but figured it might be mildly inappropriate.

I went over my friend's tonight to watch Dancing With the Stars and she is about 5 months pregnant with number 2. Her first is only 17 months old so she will definitely have her hands full. I was able to be happy and excited for her instead of focusing on my disappointment. I even talked to her alittle about my infertility issues. She was supportive and although this baby was conceived naturally, she had to have 3 iui's to get pregnant with her first daughter.

My new mantra; when it is meant to be...it will happen. God has a plan and He will decided when it is right for me to be pregnant.

Good night!

It's Here

2007-10-21T20:17:00.001-07:00

Simply said....it's here. My period. Af came right on time. No time to even get hopeful as she wasn't even a day late.

Although I tell myself not to get my hopes up, it is always a disappointment. Can't even call it a BFN b/c I never even got to test.

Needless to say, wasn't the greatest weekend ever. I will write more this week when I am up to it but wanted to give a "heads up" to my (few) loyal readers. I truly appreciate your support though. As I have said before, I am not too upfront with my friends and family about my infertility issues so this is my venting forum.

P.S Go Steelers, we were losing but have a chance now!

My (pointless!) Appointment

2007-10-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

I had my appointment today and I can honestly say it was pointless. When I called last month for them to call in my chlomid when my period came, the nurse said the dr would want to see me on day 28 this cycle. Today was actually day 27, but obviously he isn't going to see me on the weekend. I didn't even go in an exam room. They just ushered me to his office where we talked for less than 5 minutes. He told me my progesterone level was 21. (Good I think.) He is pretty confident taht I am ovulating and basically wants to keep my medication and dosage the same. That was pretty much it. At one point he made it sound like he was going to try something new or give me more options, but then said..."I think we will keep this up for a few more months." He gave me a speech about how many couples take up to a year (we're on month 10) to get pregnant and that is completely ~normal~.
I hate how I got my hopes up that this was going to be some miracle appointment. Who in their right mind looks forward to a dr appointment? (Unless you are pregnant and are going for some reassurance). BUT...I really looked forward to this one. ?????? Don't know why. Maybe I thought he would have some new method that I haven't tried yet. At any rate, it was totally pointless. As I left I said, "I'm sure I'll be calling on MOnday so that they can call me next prescription in when my period comes." He said, "Maybe you will be calling to tell us about a positive test." Somehow I am pretty sure that I am right in this case!
Well, I wish everyone a nice relaxing weekend. I am HOPING my period doesnt come, but I have refrained from ~wasting~ a test b/c I don't think that this is THE month. If it doesn't come by Monday I will definitely test! TTFN!

Untitled

2007-10-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am so tired that I couldn't even get creative to think of a "clever" title for this post. I literally worked everyday this past week (Mon thru Sat) at the day care. It was a lot of work and I am not used to getting up so early and being on my feet all day. Also, I am taking care of my neighbors pets which was a lot more work than I bargained for.

I know I am down to a 1 week wait, but feel nothing. My doctor appointment is on Friday, but for the life of me...I am not sure why. It will be cycle day 28 (usually when my AF visits) but since I am being monitored, he wanted to see me THAT day. I had my progesterone blood work done Friday so I assume they'll just give me the results then.

I dont' work as much this week, so I will be glad to catch up on sleep. I am still trying to be hopeful, but with my last pregnancy I had symptoms by this point. Baby dust!

Working 9 - 5....What a way to make a livin'

2007-10-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

So, I just got a new job. I have not been working for awhile, but with all the infertility costs, money was getting tight. I knew I needed to get a job and I am unsure what to think of the one I got. I am now a care provider at a day care center at a gym. Sounds fun, right? It is, but...there are pros and cons. Pro: I get to hold babies and it reaffirms my desire to have a baby. Con: I get to hold babies and it reminds me of my desire to have a baby.

I heard that today's Oprah was about infertility. I didn't see it but I did Tivo it and can't wait to watch it. FINALLY! I always wondered why she hasn't done one sooner.

I guess I am officially in the 2ww, but I don't have a good feeling about this cycle. My husband and I had some timing issues during the "peak" days. It is a possiblity, but this month I am not sure when I ovulated. I get bloodwork done this Friday to see if I even did ovulate. I guess they'll check my progesterone levels.

Good luck to all!!!!

Rainy Days and Mondays....Always Get Me Down

2007-10-01T19:55:00.001-07:00

Not too much to write about on the infertility front as I am only on CD 9 and waiting to BD days 10-20. Doing surprisingly well considering even more friends have recently announced their "buns in the ovens." Found out SIL is having a boy, ex SIL also a boy, and best friend is having a girl. These three are all due within days of each other in February.

In laws were here for a visit, and because I have a Halloween ghost w/ a baby ghost hanging on my door, my mother in law asked if I was trying to tell her something. She really wants another grandchild and often hints about it. I was like, "No...I am not pregnant!"

Got asked to be in a wedding. Not one of my favorite things. The wedding is June 28 which is apparently about 9 months away because the groom ran into me today and said..."Don't plan on getting pregnant any time soon." Ummmm....okay....! Only people who suffer from IF can understand the annoyance that a comment like that brings. Like I can just plan out when/if I am going to get pregnant. And as if I am going to skip a cycle or two because of someone's life. I think not.

Sorry, just had to vent about some of the fun comments I dealt with today. In reality though...I know that someone people are having much worse days so I need to stop complaining. Let October be the month of BFPs around here. BABY DUST TO ALL!

Just another Manic Monday...

2007-09-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry! The Bangles just popped into my head. Well, AF definitely reared her ugly head last night. Blah Blah Blah....called the dr. to get my prescription called in.....Blah Blah Blah....they will do bloodwork day 21....Blah Blah Blah....doctor will see me on day 26. The usual.

Again, I am going to focus on other things this month. My husband and I decided we would try for another 6 months and then take a break for awhile and see what happens.

Probably won't write for awhile as I try to engage in other things during the next couple of weeks, but I will still be reading the blogs I keep up with and hope to read about some BFPs!

Back to Square One

2007-09-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

I hate to say it, but I was starting to think pregnancy just might be possible. That crazy thing that we all do during the 2ww where we start to ~imagine~ symptoms. I was definitely doing that this morning. I even had a dream about being pregnant. Probably because everyone I know is pregnant. Well, at least it feels like that.

I had some cramping this am and was sooooooo hungry that I thought I would die. So, on the way to church we went to McDonalds and I started to let my mind wander there. Sure enough, had to go to the bathroom at church and wiped only to see some spotting. What an ironic place for that to happen! At least it helped to remind me that this whole process is part of God's plan!

I guess my "symptoms" were just PMS symptoms. Ugh! Back to square one. I am truly dreading taking the chlomid again. Even though it is just 5 days...the side effects are not fun!

My period hasn't gone into full force yet, but I have certainly been spotting all day and it is progressively getting worse. I am sure tomorrow AF will be here in all her glory. And to think, I was going to POAS tomorrow. I guess I saved 10 dollars. Lol! (Hey, if you don't laugh...you cry.)

Anyhow, thanks for your prayers and well wishes. Especially thanks to Elaine at MyprayersHispromises.blogspot.com who has been my biggest supporter. :) The best thing about this site is that it helps to put everything into perspective. When you start to think that you have been dealt the wosrt hand ever, someone else's story reminds you to be thankful that you are even in the game.

For now, I will try to enjoy the next 2 weeks before I am ~waiting~ again. Hugs to all!

The final days are the hardest

2007-09-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I believe that my period is due on Tuesday. I guess I could probably take a test, but I'd rather keep hope alive as long as possible before the dreaded BFN! I really do no think I am pregnant, but every once in awhile I think I imagine symptoms. When I was pregnant years ago with my son, I literally knew a week before my period was due because I had so many symptoms. People always say to me "every pregnancy is different." But....we all know how comforting those cliches are.

I have really kept myself busy, but I am trying to remind myself the "pros" if I am not pregant. Stupid things that will just help me not feel sad at another failed cycle. I read a really interesting post last week written by thenewlifeofnancy.blogspot.com Her post was entitled secondary vs. primary infertility. I got me interested in her blog. She wrote an entry yesterday that really helps me to get this whole ttc thing in perspective. It was about how TTC is/was taking over her life and she was forgetting to enjoy the other important things in her life. How 2 weeks out of the month are lost to either sadness or craziness. Makes me want to try harder to not focus so much on this aspect of my life.

Well, I will keep you all posted. I write this as if there are tons of people reading this, but in reality I only know of one person who even looks at my blog. (Thanks Elaine!) At least it as a way for me to journal this experience and it truly helps me to get out some of the crazy emotions I go through.

TTFN! ta ta for now

Explanation of Dates

2007-09-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

Hi any readers...I had a blog on another site and transfered all of my previous entries after a friend recommended this site. The posts that are all dated for September 19 are actually from August and September of this year. I should now be current with the posts to come.

One Week Wait

2007-09-19T17:57:00.000-07:00

Since my dreaded 2ww started last Tuesday, I guess I am officially down to a 1 week wait. Not much to write in terms of what I am thinking. I really don't feel any symptoms nor do I have a "feeling" that I am pregnant. Also, I don't want to get my hopes up. However, I am keeping a positive attitude and trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on it.My lkp was Aug. 27, so I assume my period is due anytime between September 24-29 depending on my cycle being 28-32 days. I want to wait before testing, but I always say that and test early only to get a bfn! Tomorrow is the 20th so hopefully this week will fly by.Keep your fingers crossed for me and send any baby dust that you have laying around. Lol! I will write again soon.

I ovulated!

2007-09-19T17:56:00.001-07:00

The ultrasound was yesterday morning. I have to admit I was quite nervous that I would be told I had a ton of cysts or some other major issue because I have become accustomed to getting bad news. The sonographer (is that a word?) isn't really allowed to give you any medical info, but she did say that it appeared as though I had already ovulated. That is good, right?It always scares me when they start asking a hundred questions. It makes you think....is something abnormal? She didn't tell me anything bad, so I am taking it a positive scan.Now I guess I am on the dreaded 2 week wait. Fortunately, I am busy during the next 2 weeks so that should help. Also, I am finally at peace with this whole infertility thing. I am trying to put it in God's hands, and not stress out so much. Maybe that is part of my problem...By the way, I am sure I have mentioned that my bff is about 4 months preggo with number 2. I just found out that my other really good friend is pregnant with number 3. I did find a way to be happy for them both though!

Spending Labor Day Wishing for Labor

2007-09-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

So I had more pain on my right side last week. I broke down and called my gyne, but the nurse there basically said not to worry. Easier said than done! The pain persisted so much that Saturday night I ended up in the emergency room. They had me so scared as they rolled me down to ultrasound to check for an ovarian torsion. Luckily, but not so luckily, I just have cysts on ovaries. Good and bad news at the same time. At least it wasn't the torsion that would require surgery.Came home Sunday afternoon and was vomiting but figured it was due to the pain meds. By Monday I was projectile vomiting along with other symptoms that I will leave to the imagination. Back to the hospital I went since it was Labor Day. I was severely dehydrated so they gave me an IV, but I felt this visit was pretty inconclusive. They speculated about several reasons for the pain and sickness, but I am still unsure. I am definitely feeling a lot better. I hope it wasn't the femara that caused me to become so violently ill. I doubt it will even work this month due to the fact that I threw most of it up as well as they cysts. Oh well...I have an u/s scheduled on Tues to check for ovulation. I will keep you posted.

Infertility Roller Coaster

2007-09-19T17:53:00.001-07:00

The roller coaster continues. Since I am on the femara, I had to go see my gyn/ob on day 21 for an exam and my progesterone bloodwork. My appointment went really well. He did an internal (ugh!) and said my cervical mucus looked good. He even used the word "promising" this month. I tried not to get my hopes up, but you know I did. I had absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms though.A few days later the office called w/ my bloodwork results. My progesterone level was a 24 which was great! That also made me hopeful that this second round had worked! I waited till day 25 and took a test. Big Fat Negative...of course. I was still thinking...mabe it was just too early.So day 28 came and still no period. Another test, another negative. Day 29...ditto. Day 30....repeat. Day 31...you get the idea. Finally day 32 I called my doc. I knew from my bloodwork that I ovulated, so they were going to do a lab pregnancy test. Well, needless to say...my period came that night.So now, I am officially on cycle 3 with the fertility drugs. This month they are sending me for an ultrasound on day 14 so I will update on what news taht brings. I fear that I will be diagnosed with PCOS. I have always suspeted I had it, but I guess we shall see.

BFN

2007-09-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

So it has been a couple of weeks since my last (also first!) entry. I was shocked when I logged on today and saw 12 views and a comment! Thanks!Well, I had an appointment with my gyn/ob (whom I love by the way...best dr ever!) on Friday, Aug. 17. Since I am on the femara, he wanted to check me on day 21 before sending me for my routine bloodwork. He actually said "things look promising this month." I tried not to, but got my hopes up. Today I took a test even though I really didn't have any symptoms. Needless to say...BFN. It is day 26, so there is a twinge of hope left but it is quickly fading. Keeping my fingers crossed...

My very first entry!

2007-08-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

I never really pegged myself as a "blogger." I have been so obsessed recently with my own infertility that I have spent hour upon hour reading about others going through the same thing. I really can't complain too much because I have been so blessed by having a son who is now 16 months old. I have been TTC #2 for about 8 months. Infertility is awful whether it is your 1st, 2nd, or so on, but I am so glad that I get to enjoy my son while going though the ups and downs of infertility. While searching for information on my treatments (femara right now) I have learned all the TTC (trying to conceive) lingo. It is like its own little language. I am constantly amazed by the number of people who are in the same boat...searching for that elusive BFP (or big fat positve on a pregnancy test). Right now I have just finished my meds on days 3-7 on my cycle and will see what happens this month. Baby dust to all!