My journey dealing with secondary infertility in this crazy fertile world.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Hope Floats

Well, called my doc today, but they said they probably wouldn't have the results till tomorrow. BUT...I actually feel like I started to experience some symptoms. So, hope floats.

I went to breakfast with a friend home for the holidays and all I could even attempt to eat was oatmeal. I couldn't even fathom looking at sausage or bacon.

Then when I went to my Mom's to celebrate our Christmas dinner, the smell of the garlic bread/lasagna kind of turned my stomach.

I leave tomorrow to go to my husband's family home to celebrate Christmas there so I hope to hear by the time I leave.

I am trying REALLY hard to not dwell on this. Easier said than done. So instead, I am going to respond to a tag by Elaine at

Thanks again for all the prayers. I think they're helping!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

So much...yet so say

Ah...where to begin? First of all, I truly hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I really thought with my recent good news of a BFP that this would be a fabulous holiday. I did still try to enjoy it, but I was having some early pregnancy issues. Without going into a super long story, I thought I was miscarrying on Sunday. When I called the doc., they just said to take it easy and get off my feet. Which made it difficult to take in all the Christmas happenings. Basically I had some spotting/cramping in addition to absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms. Although the spotting subsided I still called today. They repeated my blood work and I guess I will know tomorrow how my HCG levels are going. I hope and pray that it is up.

We wanted to tell a few close family members on Christmas but decided against it due to the circumstances. Why is it that people who have had to deal with any sort of infertilty issue can't just enjoy a pregancy. I mean, I am only 5 weeks. I have only known for 1 week and I have worried pretty much every second. So I am asking for a few more of your prayers and well wishes. I really hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and I am praying for all of us/you to have a baby filled 2008.

I will update tomorrow! Thanks for your continued support!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas Miracle

First of all...thank you so much those of you who have given me so much support over the last 2 days as I have been waiting. It means more than you know as my husband and I have decided not to share our news with anyone IRL.

It has been a wondeful day filled with great news. :) I called my doc this morning after I couldn't take it anymore. The nurse said my levels were good. I regret that I didn't get the exact number, but it was good enough that I don't need to repeat the test. Also, my P4 was good so that I don't need to use the suppositories.

I am still in shock and have to keep pinching myself. Ironically, this happened right when my doc said I had to take a break from the meds. We had already scheduled a SA and a lap. It truly is a Christmas miracle. Please send as many sticky vibes as possible. Right now I am going to try to think positive and enjoy this as long as I can. I hope that is for 8 more months.

Merry Christmas to you all and the Happiest New Year filled with BFPs for all!!!!!

Monday, December 17, 2007


As those of us who have experienced infertility know, life is a lot about waiting. Waiting in the 2ww, waiting for test results, waiting for a new cycle. You get the point. WEll, right now....I am waiting. I wasn't even going to post, except for the fact that you wonderful supporters who read/comment on my blog may wonder-what is up?

My day...cliff notes version so don't worry!...began with the continuation of bad weather. However, I did get a HPT and POAS. It was positive which made me very very happy. BUT, I wasn't surprised due to being late. Also, I think that I am so jaded that I know that a positive test doesn't always mean a baby. Obviously, at this point I am super thankful and hopeful.

So, I called the docs office and they wanted me to come in for a beta and progesterone test. I was really hoping for results today, but no such luck. I truly hope I find out early tomorrow morning. They said depending on my levels will determine whether or not I need to repeat the beta.

My main worry...I have no symptoms. Zero, nada, zilch, zippo. So, for now...I will still wish, hope, and pray for a positive outcome. Either way, I will blog tomorrow night. I hope it will be with good news, but if not then I could use your support. I know soooo many of you have gone through this. Thanks for your well wishes. YOu guys are awesome!


Sunday, December 16, 2007

Cautiously Hopeful....

All I can say is that AF was supposed to arrive on Friday. It is now Sunday night and still no sign. Trying not to get too excited....

Unfortunately we are dealing with a weekend snow/ice/etc. storm and I have not left my house to get a HPT. No, I don't have any laying around b/c when I do have them....I use them obsessively.

I will be calling my doc first thing tomorrow to ask for a blood test.

More to come. It is either going to be a FABULOUS holiday, or a letdown.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The appointment

As you know, I was really looking forward to the appointment w/ my doctor yesterday. Well, I am slightly satisfied with the outcome. At least I feel that there is some sort of forward progress. Doc (I'll refer to his as that from now on) said that I have to take a break from the fertility drugs as it is not good to be on them continuously. We talked about a lot. Doc strongly suspects endo. When he noticed that it took me 3 years to conceive my son, he recommended doing a laporoscopy (spelling!). Also, my husband is to have a semen analysis done on Monday. He was NOT too happy about this. I will save that story for a post all in itself. He was not exactly on board with doing an IUI yet. It was an emotional day, but amazingly I got through the appointment without crying. I am sooooo tired today due to an emotionally draining night, but I wanted to update on the appointment. I know you have all been on the edge of your!

I can't believe less than 2 weeks till Christmas!!!

Friday, December 7, 2007

Infertility EVERYWHERE...seriously!

So as I am in my 2ww, I am trying to focus on enjoying the holidays and not obsessing over when my period will come. Again, I am not too hopeful this cycle and instead I am just looking forward to my dr appointment where I can discuss the whole IUI option. As I am trying to not ~obsess~, it seems that infertility is everywhere.

Yesterday, when I came home from work, the tv channel happened to be on Dr. Phil (who I never watch) and sure enough it was about infertility. Then today I was watching my tivo'd episode of Private Practice which had a couple dealing w/ if and getting an iui done. Signs???

If it isn't infertility, it is a friend/family member/associate etc. telling me that they're pregnant. I know that you all understand how old that gets. Obviously, I am always happy for them, but it just is a little reminder that we can't all be so lucky.

Well, it is midnight and I have to work tomorrow morning, but I wish you all a peaceful weekend.

Monday, December 3, 2007

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year....sort of

I seriously can not believe it is already December. So much to do, so little time. I actually LOVE this time of year. Although....when my husband and I started TTC back in January, I truly believed I would have a new baby this Christmas. Silly me...even thought about skipping trying in Feb. so the baby wouldn't be born right around Christmas. Oh how I miss those innocent days.

I am still so blessed b/c I do have another precious son. (I realize that I hardly write about him. He is absolutely the love of my life and I would love to write about him everyday. I do, however, realize this is a blog about infertility and I am fully aware that people do not want to read about my child.) I really hope and pray that next Christmas there will be a new bundle of joy. For me and for all of you!

So, one week from tomorrow is my appointment with my dr. to discuss the next step. I am still looking forward to it. I have been saving up for an IUI and hope to go that route. I know in the scheme of infertility treatments an IUI is nothing, but still gathering a thousand plus dollars isn't exactly simple with our current financial situation. Obviously, totally worth whatever cost though.

I have been keeping up with the blogs that I read, and I know that this is a difficult time for so many of you still hoping for baby number 1. My prayers are with you as the holidays seem to sometimes make the sadness stronger. I have been in your shoes. Also, my father had a heart attack on December 23 and died January 8. Although this happened five years ago, the holidays can be hard. I always try to focus on the ~true~ meaning of Christmas and it helps.

I will keep you posted on my appointment. Remember: He is the reason for the season!