My journey dealing with secondary infertility in this crazy fertile world.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Just another Manic Monday...

Sorry! The Bangles just popped into my head. Well, AF definitely reared her ugly head last night. Blah Blah Blah....called the dr. to get my prescription called in.....Blah Blah Blah....they will do bloodwork day 21....Blah Blah will see me on day 26. The usual.

Again, I am going to focus on other things this month. My husband and I decided we would try for another 6 months and then take a break for awhile and see what happens.

Probably won't write for awhile as I try to engage in other things during the next couple of weeks, but I will still be reading the blogs I keep up with and hope to read about some BFPs!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Back to Square One

I hate to say it, but I was starting to think pregnancy just might be possible. That crazy thing that we all do during the 2ww where we start to ~imagine~ symptoms. I was definitely doing that this morning. I even had a dream about being pregnant. Probably because everyone I know is pregnant. Well, at least it feels like that.

I had some cramping this am and was sooooooo hungry that I thought I would die. So, on the way to church we went to McDonalds and I started to let my mind wander there. Sure enough, had to go to the bathroom at church and wiped only to see some spotting. What an ironic place for that to happen! At least it helped to remind me that this whole process is part of God's plan!

I guess my "symptoms" were just PMS symptoms. Ugh! Back to square one. I am truly dreading taking the chlomid again. Even though it is just 5 days...the side effects are not fun!

My period hasn't gone into full force yet, but I have certainly been spotting all day and it is progressively getting worse. I am sure tomorrow AF will be here in all her glory. And to think, I was going to POAS tomorrow. I guess I saved 10 dollars. Lol! (Hey, if you don't cry.)

Anyhow, thanks for your prayers and well wishes. Especially thanks to Elaine at who has been my biggest supporter. :) The best thing about this site is that it helps to put everything into perspective. When you start to think that you have been dealt the wosrt hand ever, someone else's story reminds you to be thankful that you are even in the game.

For now, I will try to enjoy the next 2 weeks before I am ~waiting~ again. Hugs to all!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The final days are the hardest

Well, I believe that my period is due on Tuesday. I guess I could probably take a test, but I'd rather keep hope alive as long as possible before the dreaded BFN! I really do no think I am pregnant, but every once in awhile I think I imagine symptoms. When I was pregnant years ago with my son, I literally knew a week before my period was due because I had so many symptoms. People always say to me "every pregnancy is different." But....we all know how comforting those cliches are.

I have really kept myself busy, but I am trying to remind myself the "pros" if I am not pregant. Stupid things that will just help me not feel sad at another failed cycle. I read a really interesting post last week written by Her post was entitled secondary vs. primary infertility. I got me interested in her blog. She wrote an entry yesterday that really helps me to get this whole ttc thing in perspective. It was about how TTC is/was taking over her life and she was forgetting to enjoy the other important things in her life. How 2 weeks out of the month are lost to either sadness or craziness. Makes me want to try harder to not focus so much on this aspect of my life.

Well, I will keep you all posted. I write this as if there are tons of people reading this, but in reality I only know of one person who even looks at my blog. (Thanks Elaine!) At least it as a way for me to journal this experience and it truly helps me to get out some of the crazy emotions I go through.

TTFN! ta ta for now

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Explanation of Dates

Hi any readers...I had a blog on another site and transfered all of my previous entries after a friend recommended this site. The posts that are all dated for September 19 are actually from August and September of this year. I should now be current with the posts to come.

One Week Wait

Since my dreaded 2ww started last Tuesday, I guess I am officially down to a 1 week wait. Not much to write in terms of what I am thinking. I really don't feel any symptoms nor do I have a "feeling" that I am pregnant. Also, I don't want to get my hopes up. However, I am keeping a positive attitude and trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on it.My lkp was Aug. 27, so I assume my period is due anytime between September 24-29 depending on my cycle being 28-32 days. I want to wait before testing, but I always say that and test early only to get a bfn! Tomorrow is the 20th so hopefully this week will fly by.Keep your fingers crossed for me and send any baby dust that you have laying around. Lol! I will write again soon.

I ovulated!

The ultrasound was yesterday morning. I have to admit I was quite nervous that I would be told I had a ton of cysts or some other major issue because I have become accustomed to getting bad news. The sonographer (is that a word?) isn't really allowed to give you any medical info, but she did say that it appeared as though I had already ovulated. That is good, right?It always scares me when they start asking a hundred questions. It makes you something abnormal? She didn't tell me anything bad, so I am taking it a positive scan.Now I guess I am on the dreaded 2 week wait. Fortunately, I am busy during the next 2 weeks so that should help. Also, I am finally at peace with this whole infertility thing. I am trying to put it in God's hands, and not stress out so much. Maybe that is part of my problem...By the way, I am sure I have mentioned that my bff is about 4 months preggo with number 2. I just found out that my other really good friend is pregnant with number 3. I did find a way to be happy for them both though!

Spending Labor Day Wishing for Labor

So I had more pain on my right side last week. I broke down and called my gyne, but the nurse there basically said not to worry. Easier said than done! The pain persisted so much that Saturday night I ended up in the emergency room. They had me so scared as they rolled me down to ultrasound to check for an ovarian torsion. Luckily, but not so luckily, I just have cysts on ovaries. Good and bad news at the same time. At least it wasn't the torsion that would require surgery.Came home Sunday afternoon and was vomiting but figured it was due to the pain meds. By Monday I was projectile vomiting along with other symptoms that I will leave to the imagination. Back to the hospital I went since it was Labor Day. I was severely dehydrated so they gave me an IV, but I felt this visit was pretty inconclusive. They speculated about several reasons for the pain and sickness, but I am still unsure. I am definitely feeling a lot better. I hope it wasn't the femara that caused me to become so violently ill. I doubt it will even work this month due to the fact that I threw most of it up as well as they cysts. Oh well...I have an u/s scheduled on Tues to check for ovulation. I will keep you posted.

Infertility Roller Coaster

The roller coaster continues. Since I am on the femara, I had to go see my gyn/ob on day 21 for an exam and my progesterone bloodwork. My appointment went really well. He did an internal (ugh!) and said my cervical mucus looked good. He even used the word "promising" this month. I tried not to get my hopes up, but you know I did. I had absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms though.A few days later the office called w/ my bloodwork results. My progesterone level was a 24 which was great! That also made me hopeful that this second round had worked! I waited till day 25 and took a test. Big Fat Negative...of course. I was still thinking...mabe it was just too early.So day 28 came and still no period. Another test, another negative. Day 29...ditto. Day 30....repeat. Day get the idea. Finally day 32 I called my doc. I knew from my bloodwork that I ovulated, so they were going to do a lab pregnancy test. Well, needless to period came that night.So now, I am officially on cycle 3 with the fertility drugs. This month they are sending me for an ultrasound on day 14 so I will update on what news taht brings. I fear that I will be diagnosed with PCOS. I have always suspeted I had it, but I guess we shall see.


So it has been a couple of weeks since my last (also first!) entry. I was shocked when I logged on today and saw 12 views and a comment! Thanks!Well, I had an appointment with my gyn/ob (whom I love by the dr ever!) on Friday, Aug. 17. Since I am on the femara, he wanted to check me on day 21 before sending me for my routine bloodwork. He actually said "things look promising this month." I tried not to, but got my hopes up. Today I took a test even though I really didn't have any symptoms. Needless to say...BFN. It is day 26, so there is a twinge of hope left but it is quickly fading. Keeping my fingers crossed...