My journey dealing with secondary infertility in this crazy fertile world.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I can hardly believe it is Halloween already. I was really hoping to be pregnant by this time (like most of us) as we started trying back in January. To be honest, when we first started...I was hopeful that I would have a baby by Christmas. Ahhhh, to be that hopeful and naive again.

So , tomorrow starts a new month. A month dedicated to being thankful. The month that kicks off the holiday season (i.e. the best time of the year!) I am going to continue to focus on what I have to be thankful fo and ~try~ not to be so darn negative!

Good night and hope you all get lots of treats and no tricks!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Life is Precious

Tonight was just a little reminder that we aren't in control of everything. Those of us experiencing infertility are pretty aware of that already. BUT, you never think that a simple trip to the mall could be so.... scary.

Cliff notes version to make a long story short. Tonight I was at the mall and it just so happened to be "trick or treat" night there so there were a ton of adorable costumed kids. Right before 6 when it was set to begin, everyone was told to quickly evacuate from the mall. No reasons were given but moms and kids all started running for the exits. It would be hard to write in words that would make anyone understand how scary it was. Later it was determined that it was a bomb threat. What kind of crazy world do we live in?

I am exhausted from the stress of the night. I was grid locked in the parking lot for an hour as ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars kept flooding the area. So many scenarios were running through my head. The little lesson I have learned is that I need to thankful for the things I do have and appreciate them instead of dwelling on things that I don't have. (BFP)

I need some sleep. Sweet dreams to you all!

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Bachelor

Leave it to me to find a life lesson within a reality tv show. (fyi...i am addicted to tv)

As I was feeling sorry for myself dealing with all the fun things that come along with a period, I realized something. I was watching all these (pathetic) girls who are so wanting to find love. Many of them appear desperate even. Then I related to how most of us here in the blog world are desperate (and often pathetic) to get that bfp. At least we have won half the battle. I can't imagine not having my wonderful husband to share this journey with.

I am actually doing a lot better today. I called my dr so that they could call in my prescription. I wanted to add a "Ha Ha, told you I wasn't pregnant." but figured it might be mildly inappropriate.

I went over my friend's tonight to watch Dancing With the Stars and she is about 5 months pregnant with number 2. Her first is only 17 months old so she will definitely have her hands full. I was able to be happy and excited for her instead of focusing on my disappointment. I even talked to her alittle about my infertility issues. She was supportive and although this baby was conceived naturally, she had to have 3 iui's to get pregnant with her first daughter.

My new mantra; when it is meant to will happen. God has a plan and He will decided when it is right for me to be pregnant.

Good night!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

It's Here

Simply's here. My period. Af came right on time. No time to even get hopeful as she wasn't even a day late.

Although I tell myself not to get my hopes up, it is always a disappointment. Can't even call it a BFN b/c I never even got to test.

Needless to say, wasn't the greatest weekend ever. I will write more this week when I am up to it but wanted to give a "heads up" to my (few) loyal readers. I truly appreciate your support though. As I have said before, I am not too upfront with my friends and family about my infertility issues so this is my venting forum.

P.S Go Steelers, we were losing but have a chance now!

Friday, October 19, 2007

My (pointless!) Appointment

I had my appointment today and I can honestly say it was pointless. When I called last month for them to call in my chlomid when my period came, the nurse said the dr would want to see me on day 28 this cycle. Today was actually day 27, but obviously he isn't going to see me on the weekend. I didn't even go in an exam room. They just ushered me to his office where we talked for less than 5 minutes. He told me my progesterone level was 21. (Good I think.) He is pretty confident taht I am ovulating and basically wants to keep my medication and dosage the same. That was pretty much it. At one point he made it sound like he was going to try something new or give me more options, but then said..."I think we will keep this up for a few more months." He gave me a speech about how many couples take up to a year (we're on month 10) to get pregnant and that is completely ~normal~.
I hate how I got my hopes up that this was going to be some miracle appointment. Who in their right mind looks forward to a dr appointment? (Unless you are pregnant and are going for some reassurance). BUT...I really looked forward to this one. ?????? Don't know why. Maybe I thought he would have some new method that I haven't tried yet. At any rate, it was totally pointless. As I left I said, "I'm sure I'll be calling on MOnday so that they can call me next prescription in when my period comes." He said, "Maybe you will be calling to tell us about a positive test." Somehow I am pretty sure that I am right in this case!
Well, I wish everyone a nice relaxing weekend. I am HOPING my period doesnt come, but I have refrained from ~wasting~ a test b/c I don't think that this is THE month. If it doesn't come by Monday I will definitely test! TTFN!

Sunday, October 14, 2007


I am so tired that I couldn't even get creative to think of a "clever" title for this post. I literally worked everyday this past week (Mon thru Sat) at the day care. It was a lot of work and I am not used to getting up so early and being on my feet all day. Also, I am taking care of my neighbors pets which was a lot more work than I bargained for.

I know I am down to a 1 week wait, but feel nothing. My doctor appointment is on Friday, but for the life of me...I am not sure why. It will be cycle day 28 (usually when my AF visits) but since I am being monitored, he wanted to see me THAT day. I had my progesterone blood work done Friday so I assume they'll just give me the results then.

I dont' work as much this week, so I will be glad to catch up on sleep. I am still trying to be hopeful, but with my last pregnancy I had symptoms by this point. Baby dust!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Working 9 - 5....What a way to make a livin'

So, I just got a new job. I have not been working for awhile, but with all the infertility costs, money was getting tight. I knew I needed to get a job and I am unsure what to think of the one I got. I am now a care provider at a day care center at a gym. Sounds fun, right? It is, but...there are pros and cons. Pro: I get to hold babies and it reaffirms my desire to have a baby. Con: I get to hold babies and it reminds me of my desire to have a baby.

I heard that today's Oprah was about infertility. I didn't see it but I did Tivo it and can't wait to watch it. FINALLY! I always wondered why she hasn't done one sooner.

I guess I am officially in the 2ww, but I don't have a good feeling about this cycle. My husband and I had some timing issues during the "peak" days. It is a possiblity, but this month I am not sure when I ovulated. I get bloodwork done this Friday to see if I even did ovulate. I guess they'll check my progesterone levels.

Good luck to all!!!!

Monday, October 1, 2007

Rainy Days and Mondays....Always Get Me Down

Not too much to write about on the infertility front as I am only on CD 9 and waiting to BD days 10-20. Doing surprisingly well considering even more friends have recently announced their "buns in the ovens." Found out SIL is having a boy, ex SIL also a boy, and best friend is having a girl. These three are all due within days of each other in February.

In laws were here for a visit, and because I have a Halloween ghost w/ a baby ghost hanging on my door, my mother in law asked if I was trying to tell her something. She really wants another grandchild and often hints about it. I was like, "No...I am not pregnant!"

Got asked to be in a wedding. Not one of my favorite things. The wedding is June 28 which is apparently about 9 months away because the groom ran into me today and said..."Don't plan on getting pregnant any time soon." Ummmm....okay....! Only people who suffer from IF can understand the annoyance that a comment like that brings. Like I can just plan out when/if I am going to get pregnant. And as if I am going to skip a cycle or two because of someone's life. I think not.

Sorry, just had to vent about some of the fun comments I dealt with today. In reality though...I know that someone people are having much worse days so I need to stop complaining. Let October be the month of BFPs around here. BABY DUST TO ALL!